From Diapers to Dignity

Anyone who knew me when I was pregnant, or even before that, knew that I had all the answers about children and parenting. And while I still think I have some great theories and answers, there's just no amount of planning that prepares you for everything. No amount that prepares you fully for your very unique little human.

Now that I have children, well, I see I may have been a little over-confident. I can't tell you how many times I've obsessed over what I could be doing wrong, or have realized too late that I didn't handle something correctly so I am ruining my children's future. Where is the line between being a strict mom with principles, and being a fun mom who doesn't sweat the small stuff?

Well, I'll be honest: my original plan for potty training was an expectation for nature to do it's part, and I'd do the rest. Whatever that was...I didn't know. But I just knew the children would eventually catch on to the ways of the big people. And of course, I calculated that not all children are created equal - some catch on quicker. But if mine weren't the quick ones, that's ok - I'd help them along. Teamwork makes the dream work.

In this post, I want to share my personal journey through potty training and offer some tips for moms who might feel like their kid will be the only one heading to college still in diapers.

Daytime Potty Training

Nature certainly took its course: when my son and daughter had to go pee, they just went. They didn't care if I was right in the middle of a diaper change with them, or if they were running around naked after bath time. I very quickly learned that my part in all this was going to be much bigger than Natures'. Planned and regular potty breaks throughout the day became imperative. And I didn’t give them much of a choice; it was simply, “Let’s go potty now.” I adapted a very enthusiastic attitude like I was offering them candy instead of a trip to the bathroom. The training potty was short-lived; both were more interested in using a grown-up potty. But oh boy - the excitement of seeing a turd they just created in the potty was met with beaming pride, applause, and even treats! The consistency and routine paid off quickly. Accidents happened, but they were part of the learning process, and both kids adapted well. In fact, I was beginning to think that I had this one in the bag! Before I knew it, the kids were reminding me that they needed to go potty. It didn't take them long to make the connection between that sudden urge to relieve themselves and the bathroom.

Nighttime Potty Training

Nighttime potty training, however, was a completely different story. That's where a mix of emotions took root, like trying to assemble IKEA furniture with missing instructions: excitement, dread, pride, and frustration.

My daughter seemed to have an innate ability to hold her bladder all night. Yeah - she practically potty trained herself through the night. She just "got it," and transitioned out of diapers with almost no effort on my part. She also carries a chromosome that is heavy in people-pleasing, so our praise fueled her ability to control her bladder, and she made me look like a parenting pro!

My son, however, proved to be more challenging.

Despite my encouragement for midnight potty runs, he kept turning up with a soaked diaper in the mornings. Nature! Where are you!?

I put my thinking cap on, and I started implementing a cut-off time for water before bed - it's potty time, not happy hour! I started with 1 hour before bed. Then 2 hours. No results.

I tried to entice him with a "big boy" bed. Yep. Bribery. And I could tell he really wanted it, but he just kept losing the battle.

Nature was not speaking to this child, and he wasn't listening to his body. I was running out of ideas, and patience was looking like it was about the last option I had. Not my specialty. Just wait and hope, I guess.

But then one day, it happened! It was early one morning, he had just dressed for the day, when suddenly, he peed. Right there in the doorway, through his underwear and pants. Just straight up peed. After some questioning and conversation with him, I learned he thought he was wearing a diaper! After a moment of bewilderment, it hit me, and I went from dazed and confused to knowing and excited in just a few moments. I realized that he was using his nighttime diaper as a crutch. Knowing it was there, he didn’t bother trying to hold his bladder or wake up when he needed to go. While my daughter has the gene that yearns to please, my son has a lazy bone.

A new idea took root and renewed my zealous efforts. It was time to eliminate the diaper. I know...big move, but it was necessary to help him understand that he couldn’t rely on it anymore. For about two weeks, I dealt with accidents almost every night. I involved my son in the cleanup process by having him strip the bed, load the laundry, and help remake the bed. This was not easy - it took a lot of time out of our morning routine to hold his hand through all of this. And while I was willing, he was not. But we made up a song about growing pains and it made our chore much more enjoyable.

I continued to motivate him with a big-boy bed giving him something exciting to work for. And I continued to wake him up twice each night to go potty; without the diaper to catch anything, he was a little more eager to get to the bathroom. It wasn't long before the habit of waking up when he needed to go was happening on his own! I can't tell you how happy I was to haul his crib out of the room and exchange it for a big-boy bed!

Encouragement for Fellow Moms

Fellow moms, I hope you can be encouraged through this. If you’re in the thick of potty training and feel like your child “just isn’t getting it,” don’t lose hope! Remember, not every child is the same, and what works for one may not work for another. I found that nature shares a similar voice with children, but not all children are tuned in. From my own experience, here are a few general tips to consider:

• Stay Consistent: Whether it’s daytime or nighttime training, consistency is key. Kids thrive on routine, and repetition helps them learn.

• Be Patient: It’s easy to feel frustrated when progress seems slow, but remember that potty training is a process, not a race, though it can sometimes feel like a marathon in flip-flops.

• Adapt Your Approach: If something isn’t working, don’t be afraid to try a new method. Flexibility can make a big difference.

• Recognize Your Childs Needs: No one likes to think their child is anything less than an angel, but the fact of the matter is, children are subject to unflattering behaviors (in my son’s case, being LAZY). They are children, after all, that need instruction, education, and encouragement. Recognize shortcomings and encourage ways to overcome them.

• Celebrate Successes: Whether it’s a sticker chart, a special treat, or simply lots of verbal praise, celebrate the small victories along the way.

Potty training can be tough, but it’s also a season that passes quickly (even if it doesn’t feel that way in the moment). You’ve got this, Mamas! Remember, every accident and every success is a step closer to your child’s independence. And when they finally master it, you’ll both feel such a sense of accomplishment. You might even get to sleep through the night again!

Do you have your own potty-training tips or experiences? Share them in the comments below—we’re all in this together!